I have been living in England since 1993. I have undertaken many studies and supported my daughter the best that I could in her young life. I had a dream to be a textile designer and pursued it over the years. Then I became a mother again 13 years later. My son was very ill and I had to, like any other parent, put my dream on hold and take care of him. This in-and-out-of-hospital life lasted for 7 years.
Then, just when I was thinking of getting back on route to get my dream, my son was diagnosed with autism and dyslexia. I kept on going, supporting him to the best of my knowledge, and with the strength that I found somewhere within me. I was told that he probably will not live past 10 years, but I refused to believe it and I never gave up. Now he is going to be 21 years of age and finishing his Level 5 in sports education.
All this took a toll on me. At the age of 56, with my children growing to be independent, I am now faced with rent arrears and the repercussions on my own health. My mental health is having a hard time dealing with the past struggle of my son's physical and mental health, and in 2014 I was diagnosed with bladder cancer. I was in remission until last month. Last July, I also had a diagnosis of complex PTSD.
The question I am now faced with is: where has my dream gone? It is still there, just on the back burner.
I have worked as a nursery practitioner over the years, but with the back pain, the emotional turmoil and the cancer, I cannot do that job anymore, no matter how good I am. So it is time for me to find something new.
I am now in a position where my prospects are limited to work on computers because of my health. I am good at working on computers. I can manipulate Photoshop and am learning to use Illustrator and In-design so that, one day, I might get halfway to my dream job of designing textiles. Right now, I need to concentrate on upgrading my skills so that I can become an administrator or office worker. That is why I am asking for help. I would like to re-learn office programs to facilitate this transition. I need a laptop to help me get job ready, and from which I can practice my newly learnt skills.
So far, I have let life take over me and adjusted accordingly. Now I am making a choice - though it is through circumstances again - but that choice will take me closer to the original dream that I had the day I embarked into textile art and design.