I was made redundant three times in four years. Each time I got a new job, the wages were lower and the contract more unstable.
Towards the end of 2017, made redundant for the third time, I struggled in my then flat until the end of the tenancy. I used up my small amount of savings on rent and living expenses, finally having to decide between rent and food, or rent and heating. Rent always won because going hungry or cold was the lesser evil than being thrown out of my home. I walked for hours going to job interviews because I couldn’t afford travel fares. An hour’s walking saved me £1.50, enough to buy something small to eat.
When I look back on it, the biggest challenge was made up of lots of small but equally impactful challenges. It has been challenging to take a job below my skill level, just to have an income. It has been challenging that that basic waged job neither covered a reasonable rent nor a sustainable food budget. It has been challenging to stay clean, to self-efface in other people's homes, to stay positive, to hold on to my self-esteem and to believe in, and take action towards, something better for my life. Every single day I thought, ‘the more I get through this, the more I can get through this’.
People don’t know how much their attention, their actions, their generosity, creates a butterfly effect that has a huge impact they may never know about, yet they do it anyway. They don’t know how much they’re an example to aspire to. For me, this means I’m itching to pay my good fortune forward. All along, I’ve kept donating 1% of my income, it was a necessary part of my strategy to keep me feeling good about myself in dark times and a reminder that some people were worse off than me.
Having a stable home will feel intimate. And private. I’ve missed my privacy. I’ve been in other people's houses and bathrooms and on their floors for three and a half years. My bed. My things. My wardrobe. My bathroom. Cooking what I want. My food in the fridge. I’ll get to look out of my window at my unique view. And I’ll get to have a lie-in once in a while. I'll get to open my front door with my front door keys. I guess I’ll feel possessive, but in a good way that will make me smile.
In two years time I’ll be doing rewarding work. Right now, I study where I can, but I will have my Project Management qualification and be designing and project managing the building of social housing, ideally for single older people, which is a very neglected group. I love writing so I’ll have published my first book and be well on my way with my next one. I’ll be writing stories that people love. I’ll be in my forever home. I’ll be donating to future BEAMers. And, I’ll be slimmer :0