I’m Nawshin, you probably found me from the upcoming short film in conjunction with comic relief and groundswell. We did a podcast with Prince William on how he could use his power and influence to change the narrative for people like me. I’ve done a lot of policy work with groundswell in the form of YouTube, podcasts and writing. Whilst also being on boards/steering groups for people participation in East London NHS Foundation Trust. I have 13+ years experience in people/project management and advocacy for marginalised groups. You would think that this would change my situation for the better but it has not so all I can do is try to make this experience better for someone in the future.
This is my severely disabled brother. He suffers from cerebral palsy, is blind, in a wheelchair, and has a tube in his stomach for nutrition. He is 17 but with the mental age of a baby. In this day and age people value peaches and TikTok over supporting just causes that could change someones life for the better. I can’t compete with these insta models. How is it fair for some to be drowning in wealth and another to not know if they will be able to eat the next day?
When my parents were together, my father was physically and emotionally abusive towards my mother so she has never really recovered or built self-esteem/confidence. She exhibits the typical behaviour of a domestic violence victim who only perceives her abuser as a good person, justifies the beating to be something she did wrong and always covers for him if reported to the authorities. It’s been nearly 20 years since she was married to him but she still tries to justify his actions. I never understood why I had to be the one to defy my father and protect my mother. I’ve never had the feeling of parental support, guidance and encouragement.
I have been my brother’s primary carer since he was born. And growing up I have had to be completely independent. Mum was working like a dog, and my dad did nothing. I did my own homework, taught myself to make basic meals, to do my routine and walk to school.
My mother was heavily pregnant when we had the opportunity to sneak move out when my father went away to study. He tried to break the door down in our new place. I would always call the police and my mum would never press charges and lie about what happened. One day she decided to be brave and confront my dad so she could have access to her own finances. My father took out numerous loans in my mum’s name in the sum of £60k + and had full financial control over my mum.
I took complete care of my mother when she was pregnant, cleaning up sick and helping her with anything needed. I begged her not to go alone. But she didn’t listen. They obviously had an argument. My mum came back in serious pain and bleeding. My father had pushed my mum and her tummy hit the corner of a table. We rushed her to the hospital, and they did emergency surgery to keep my brother alive. He was born 1 month premature. When I reported this all to the police, my mum lied and said that everything was great. One or two days later, my brother turned blue from low oxygen. He was fighting for his life. He spent 1 month in (SCBU) Special Care Baby Unit. My father decided to visit him in his incubator. And he bluntly told me that he couldn’t have disabled children, so my mum was cheating on him. I felt nauseated listening to him.
Fast forward to my final year at university. I’m caring for my brother without any support from social services. Like a wheelchair or an adapted high chair. Lifted him myself everywhere. I’m fulfilling all the responsibilities. Taking my grandfather to chemo appointments as he was diagnosed with cancer. I was working and studying full time. I was emotionally supporting my mum.
My grandfather passed away and I arranged for his death certificate and transportation to Bangladesh. I didn’t get to say goodbye to him, he was the only person who protected me. My mother left to bury my grandfather without a thought about the situation she was putting me in. But unfortunately that’s normal behaviour from her and it’s acceptable for me to shield her.
I had two hours left of exams and I begged social services for help. His disabilities are too complex to leave him alone with anyone. The Local authority gave me two choices. I either give my brother up to be fostered or I miss my exams and don’t graduate. I thought if I graduated it would allow me to get a good job and I could financially provide for everything he needed like a hoist or safety bed etc. I am riddled with guilt by my decision, if I could go back in time I would never give him up. It’s my fault all of this happened to him, I never should have trusted the social worker.
I finished my exams, I got a first. But I moved out. We have been trying to get him back from social services for 8 years. We have plenty of evidence that the foster carer has been neglecting my brother from the beginning. But the local authority has refused to follow up and procedures on any complaints. And instead we were punished for our complaints against her. Foster carer and social services both enjoyed exploiting us. And have an agreement to vouch for each other in complaints.
The local authority and the foster carer have both submitted orders to take him away from us forever. And to become his legal guardian. They deliberately put both orders in private law so we couldn’t get any legal representation. The foster carer gave us her word that she would never apply for legal guardianship, but one day we just got the legal papers from her solicitor through the post.
I’ve used all my savings towards the court cases. As we needed to be able to provide evidence of our accusations. I have physical disabilities, so I’ve been on benefits for many years as well as being previously homeless. It’s incredibly difficult to find an organisation that will support me and not vilify me because of my disabilities. My care company has already accused me of £15K of unpaid debt for charging me short term charges for a long term contract which continues to go up. I continually get accused by Universal Credit that I have been overpaid right now its nearly £7K, so due to the messed up system I have to continually fight to keep my benefits but then I get continuously charged and accused of overpayment. My gas company has been overcharging me for years without telling me, especially because I don’t even have a working meter. There’s constant financial insecurity it’s just impossible to keep up.
All I know is that I urgently need a family lawyer who specialises in disabled adults in care, who will take the case on. No lawyer will take this on purely because it’s too complicated and the likelihood of me winning is very small.
I have been able to get some support with the guidance of a carer, but it’s just not enough time to maintain a normal life like going swimming, riding my bike or doing fun social activities. I spend most of my day isolated at home and starved of human contact. With the only tool at hand; my voice and lived experience. I use it to advocate for marginalised groups, and us my knowledge to better advise on policy within homelessness, health, disabilities and diversity.
I desperately need more finances so that I can prove from an objective perspective clear evidence of abuse, neglect and falsifying from the foster carer. To have any slim chance of being successful of getting him back. I need to protect my brothers identity online in case the foster carer uses this information against us in court.
If you want to know more about me, here’s my LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nawlad/ and YouTube: https://youtu.be/zwQSJJCJU7M
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